I was in the middle of a breakdown and didn’t want to be here anymore. I felt so alone, lost and numb. 

Don’t worry there’s a happy ending to this story! 😉

I scared myself and reached out to some friends. 

The biggest turning point for me was when one of friends took me to a meditation evening at a local Buddhist temple. 🛕 Something changed in me after that night. I couldn’t even tell you what was spoken about that evening, but I came out feeling such a sense of peace and it put me on the road to meditation 🧘 and then I found Rebecca Campbell. 

I started doing Rebecca’s light bathing meditation every morning before work and I tried to think of 3 things that I was grateful for. It wasn’t easy. 

For a while, it was clothes to wear, a bed to sleep in and food to eat. I really couldn’t see much more to be grateful for at the time. 

Meditating made me feel connected to something bigger than myself, it made me feel held by an unseen force and feel loved. Something that was missing from my life and something I used to look for in other people. 

It began to make me feel the loss of attachment less. It brought me peace, so I forced myself to do it in bed every morning before I got up. 

When I left to go to work in the morning I would put on some music, (usually house music) and strut my way into the city, like I was in a music video. 😆There’s nothing like music to lift your mood! 

By the time I’d got to work I felt able to cope with the day. 

Day by day, week by week my morning gratitude list got bigger and I began to see hope and beauty in the world, but most importantly I began to see that in myself! 

The people that I felt had let me down, the loss and the disappointment I had experienced in my life wasn’t the main thing that I was thinking about anymore. 

Not blaming the other people in my life has been really important for me. Everyone is doing their best with where they are in life and doing their best with what they have. Of course this doesn’t mean I don’t get triggered still and can still feel disappointed but letting go of expectations really does help with this.

Also at some point someone has to break the generational trauma in families and I’ve decided that in my family that will be me. 

I became aware that certain people were not capable of giving me what I needed or would have liked, so I have found those things in ME instead!

This also brought me to the realisation that I was responsible for my own joy in life – it was no one else’s responsibility!!

So I started to tune into joy!! 

MY joy! 

I began to visualise the life that I would love to live. ❤️

I felt excited about life again!! ❤️

I was also becoming aware of the little things that made me happy. 

Listening to the beautiful birds walking to work, seeing the amazing full moon shining so brightly on the way to the station. 

Watching the trees come back to life after a sleepy winter. 

It felt like that was happening to me too! Although my sleep had probably been for about 10 winters! 🫣

I began to tune into my intuition and become aware of my energy – having recently discovered I was an empath I was beginning to understand when I was feeling my own emotions compared to when I was picking up other people’s emotions. This was a game changer!! Cue the people pleasing lightbulb ! 💡 

That’s when I found Reiki and it all started to make sense. I could now tune into an energy to help myself and other people without using my own!! 

I think my breakdown could well have been an accumulation of years of not understanding the energies I was picking up, not knowing about boundaries and how to set them, not having an understanding of my limiting beliefs and programs running in the background and not tuning into what I needed to make ME happy.  

These are all things I will continue to work on every single day and share in the hope it helps others too.

So if you are feeling like I was, lost, alone and numb to the joys of life I promise you there is hope, please reach out to a friend, neighbour, family member, work colleague or even myself and let us help guide you back to your joy.

Love Em x

Heart to Head | Reiki Practitioner in Surrey (heart-to-head.co.uk)

• Link